Schizotypal. Conflicts. Issues. FRIENDS.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Schizotypal is a personality disorder, according to Videbeck, is it an acute discomfort in relationships. While Antisocial is the disregard for rights of others, rules and laws. Borderline is the personality disorder wherein that person has unstable relationships.

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Lately, I’ve been having this different conflicts or issues with the people around me, particularly my friends.

First are this little issue with my T-Gang, and the unintended laglagan with Khang. Peace pre.

Another is the ka-malditahan ko again na lately lang ee pinadama ko sa mga Laguna buddies.

And recently is my little inisan-tampuhan issue with my girlfriend and my medyo old-little-issue with some of my amicie.

And lastly is this tampuhan issue with my BEZ and BEST.

I’m just scared that our roughly 10 years of friendship will end just because of this issue, I certainly hope not. I want to fix it, but I don’t know how to initiate. I guess I’m just being Choleric again; my smugness is getting in the way. But what can I do, it’s really not my fault. Well, maybe, I somehow have a liability on this. But it’s really not on me. Aw, Brat. Tsk. But I know things will be okay between us again, but not now.

Is it me? Are these my entire fault? Is this because I’m soooo choleric na hindi ko na ma-handle at times? Or because of my stupid callousness na di ko talaga minsan ma-control? Or is this because of my short-temper that’s difficult to handle? Or am I just being paranoid or schizotypal na ko? Or borderline? Or antisocial? Huwag naman sana at di naman siguro.

Nakaka-frustrate lang na ngayon pa to nangyayari kung kelan I’m going through a very tough time in my life. I need you guys more than you need me. Amicie and my ZEB Jo lang ang nakakaalam if what’s the real deal but even them don’t know precisely how difficult this is for me dahil for all these months, I’m trying my best to carry this alone. But it’s really a heavy load na ayaw kong maging pabigat din sa iba because I know they have their own problems too. But ngayon ko lang sasabihin to: hirap na hirap na hirap na ko. Kung alam nyo lang. Pagod at ayoko na ring maglabas ng nararamdaman sa Amicie dahil nakakahiya na sakanila, lalo kay Abby. And I know they have their own problems to mind. Aside from them, wala na ko ibang malapitan dahil ayoko na i-explain ang problema sa iba, it’s not that easy.

It’s just fucking difficult na wala ko masabihan, malapitan at maiyakan bukod sa computer na nasa harapan ko ngayon. I can’t blame my friends dahil it’s either ayoko sila lapitan o wala naman sila alam of what I’m going through. I’m fatally tired, perturbed and petrified.

That’s my blog post that I typed few hours ago. Until I stopped typing and remembered someone—my ZEB. She’s Josephine, my best friend for about 9 years now. She is always there for me. But since I became busy sa school because of duties and stuffs, we seldom see each other na, kahit 2 blocks away lang houses namin. And most of the times na nagkikita kami is because of me. It’s just a shame na the majority of the times na I visit her is when I needed her, like now.

We talked, cried and laughed for about 2 or 3 hours. We did some catching up and some serious talk, and some major laughing. Until nagtext si mama and sinabing “umiwi ka na. Dinner na.” ehe.

I went home smiling, because despite the conflicts, issues and problems, I’m already feeling better. Thanks to her. Thank God for people like her, like Amicie, like T-Gang, like my other friends, like you na despite of my iniquity still stay beside me.

And thank God for giving me this punishment/predicament because it made me stronger, it taught me a lot of things; it changed me and showed me that my friends are GENUINE.

And more updates: me, my other best friend Bez Jasper and Lycar (best) are medyo okay na, just now. Ehe.

0 wisecracks | 7:31 PM | back to top

Schizotypal. Conflicts. Issues. FRIENDS.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Schizotypal is a personality disorder, according to Videbeck, is it an acute discomfort in relationships. While Antisocial is the disregard for rights of others, rules and laws. Borderline is the personality disorder wherein that person has unstable relationships.

---

Lately, I’ve been having this different conflicts or issues with the people around me, particularly my friends.

First are this little issue with my T-Gang, and the unintended laglagan with Khang. Peace pre.

Another is the ka-malditahan ko again na lately lang ee pinadama ko sa mga Laguna buddies.

And recently is my little inisan-tampuhan issue with my girlfriend and my medyo old-little-issue with some of my amicie.

And lastly is this tampuhan issue with my BEZ and BEST.

I’m just scared that our roughly 10 years of friendship will end just because of this issue, I certainly hope not. I want to fix it, but I don’t know how to initiate. I guess I’m just being Choleric again; my smugness is getting in the way. But what can I do, it’s really not my fault. Well, maybe, I somehow have a liability on this. But it’s really not on me. Aw, Brat. Tsk. But I know things will be okay between us again, but not now.

Is it me? Are these my entire fault? Is this because I’m soooo choleric na hindi ko na ma-handle at times? Or because of my stupid callousness na di ko talaga minsan ma-control? Or is this because of my short-temper that’s difficult to handle? Or am I just being paranoid or schizotypal na ko? Or borderline? Or antisocial? Huwag naman sana at di naman siguro.

Nakaka-frustrate lang na ngayon pa to nangyayari kung kelan I’m going through a very tough time in my life. I need you guys more than you need me. Amicie and my ZEB Jo lang ang nakakaalam if what’s the real deal but even them don’t know precisely how difficult this is for me dahil for all these months, I’m trying my best to carry this alone. But it’s really a heavy load na ayaw kong maging pabigat din sa iba because I know they have their own problems too. But ngayon ko lang sasabihin to: hirap na hirap na hirap na ko. Kung alam nyo lang. Pagod at ayoko na ring maglabas ng nararamdaman sa Amicie dahil nakakahiya na sakanila, lalo kay Abby. And I know they have their own problems to mind. Aside from them, wala na ko ibang malapitan dahil ayoko na i-explain ang problema sa iba, it’s not that easy.

It’s just fucking difficult na wala ko masabihan, malapitan at maiyakan bukod sa computer na nasa harapan ko ngayon. I can’t blame my friends dahil it’s either ayoko sila lapitan o wala naman sila alam of what I’m going through. I’m fatally tired, perturbed and petrified.

That’s my blog post that I typed few hours ago. Until I stopped typing and remembered someone—my ZEB. She’s Josephine, my best friend for about 9 years now. She is always there for me. But since I became busy sa school because of duties and stuffs, we seldom see each other na, kahit 2 blocks away lang houses namin. And most of the times na nagkikita kami is because of me. It’s just a shame na the majority of the times na I visit her is when I needed her, like now.

We talked, cried and laughed for about 2 or 3 hours. We did some catching up and some serious talk, and some major laughing. Until nagtext si mama and sinabing “umiwi ka na. Dinner na.” ehe.

I went home smiling, because despite the conflicts, issues and problems, I’m already feeling better. Thanks to her. Thank God for people like her, like Amicie, like T-Gang, like my other friends, like you na despite of my iniquity still stay beside me.

And thank God for giving me this punishment/predicament because it made me stronger, it taught me a lot of things; it changed me and showed me that my friends are GENUINE.

And more updates: me, my other best friend Bez Jasper and Lycar (best) are medyo okay na, just now. Ehe.

0 wisecracks | 7:31 PM | back to top